My Bee Dance

Dear All,

It is so embarrassing to be saying something and just trailing off... it injures my pride.

I have been calling these incidents senior moments, and my friends laugh (better to laugh than to worry) but I have always been articulate; in fact I have always been a little vain about my ability to express myself succinctly and accurately.

Now, however, being able to follow through with a thought is an iffy proposition under the best circumstances. I liken it to a bee dance. Bees can indicate complex information such as the presence of danger, the location of some promising flowers or the weather, using a language of gestural routines. Unfortunately for the bees, if the routines are interrupted, the dances must be restarted; this may need to happen repeatedly. I know how the bees feel; I really do.

Yet, the confusing thing is that being easily-distractable does have some advantages. Some people don't respond well to EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a way of processing distressing memories by interrupting the automatic link between a distressing thought and the emotional response to that thought. One treatment for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is EMDR. Distractable people, me included, respond well to this form of treatment, one which brings great relief when it works.

So, if it were up to me I have no idea whether I would choose to remain distractable. I have no reference for comparison. I will say, however, that it would be nice to be successful in the way that the society to which I belong prescribes. Until my diagnosis I thought that I was lazy and not very bright because ADD limits my ability to plan ahead; thus, lucrative jobs that require years of preparation have always alluded me. The bee routine and perfectionism have always insured that. Despite the benefits of EMDR, I'm thinking being less distractable might be worth it just for the increase in earning potential.

The fight for complete access to my stream of consciousness is an interesting, much-needed mental exercise, even if it does call attention to an area in which I am very limited.

Sincerely,
Betsy