The Big Clean-up

Dear All,

Those with ADD, yours truly being no exception, are hardly known for our follow-through. However, it is possible to overcome a natural affinity for chaos, even when it is not so much as choice as a given.

Today, I had a very nice dinner party. It was a Thanks-giving "echo" party. I have been working pretty much for three days straight not only for my party, but for my friend's party as well. This is why it is so strange that I have chosen to do most of my clean-up tonight rather than leaving it until the morning.

My husband used to say that I was a force of chaos, and that he was a force for order. I chafed under his constant need for order and he felt nervous and unhappy because of my chaotic nature. Yet I feel that because we could each learn something from the other, that we have been able to take the best of his traits, and mine to find a common ground some place in the middle. Four years ago, if I had tried to do most of the cleaning, let alone most of the cleaning the night of a party, he would have said something such as, "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" Now, however, I believe that he just takes this as further evidence that I am trying to change not only for his benefit, but also for my own.

I know what I must do in order to improve myself: I must become more self-disciplined. If I ever want to try anything new or do anything else, the only way out is by making plans, laying foundations and then building on these plans. Patience is the key.

For whatever it is worth, I now know what my mother meant when she said she could finally relax once her house was clean. There is a restfulness about order. An equilateral triangle upside down looks dynamic and is not restful; a triangle with a horizontal line on the bottom is stable and calming. Although I am not completely done with my cleaning, I have done everything that I can do for now. It eats at me not to be done, but the sensation would be much worse if I had not done any cleaning at all, like the triangle upside down. I have to have faith that I will follow through when I can. It helps that my husband has learned to have faith in me, as well.

Sincerely,
Betsy