Why I Hate the Phone

Dear All,

I am not good with my finances. I can't keep my bills straight and I don't have the right amount of money in my account when I need it. The latest fiasco was the cancellation of my homeowners' insurance due to the non-payment of the bill. Understandably, they want to be paid, and I can't do it. It makes me feel like a failure that I never know how much I owe, when I owe, and to whom I owe money.

I have negotiated this obstacle, and we will continue to have this insurance, but I have just been reinstated for the third time this year. I don't know if I can finish my Christmas shopping. I can't even afford to buy groceries tonight. I feel frantic and hungry. My rational mind knows that I am in fact not going to starve. We have ample food in the house. Everything is going to be O.K., however this makes no difference. It is frustrating and frightening.

Did I mention that the phone is ringing? Did I mention that my heart pounds at the sound of the phone? It rings and I want to hide because my family doesn't really call me; we keep in touch through the mail and via e-mail. So, it's never good news when the phone rings. It always means that something is wrong, something I have failed to do is catching up with me, and now I have to fix it; usually, I can't, so why should this case be any different?

I feel alone. I feel unprotected. Worry turns to fright at the sound of the phone.

Sincerely,
Betsy